Monday, August 13, 2012

Lord have mercy, I've got Jabba the Hutt Jowl!

The first time I noticed it, I was sitting on the couch.  My daughter had gotten a new computer for her graduation and she plopped it into my lap, ready to show me all of its wonderful features.  We hit the "on" button and waited for the computer to come to life.  THAT is when I saw it! The dark screen gave a reflection of myself using a computer and it resembled something similar to Jabba the Hutt. Rolls of soft flesh masked the existence of what used to be a neck.  Lord have mercy!

I pondered that neck revelation for quite a few days, then a childhood memory came flooding back.  Me as a child at my Grandmother's house, her sitting on the side of the bed and me quizzically trying to understand why she was kissing up towards the ceiling.  "Are you telling Jesus you love Him, Grandma?" I asked.  Grandma got such a kick out of that and giggled about it all day long.  I have to admit that the memory made me laugh at my younger self also.

So here is how the Jabba Jowl comes upon the vintage Mom.  One day we notice that our eyes don't focus quite the way that they used to but... if we move the object away from us just a bit OR pull our neck back just a tad...everything is still focused just fine.  No need for glasses here!  Over time though, this actually shortens the muscles in the neck, especially if you read the bible or use the computer quite often.  Hmm.

What's the solution?  Tell Jesus you love Him ladies...every morning and every night!  Look straight up and tell Him "Thank you for another day", then lay a ton of kisses on least 30 total.  Ten straight up, ten to the left and ten to the right!   Make sure you are really getting your lips into it and give Him a "MUAH" sound.   Go ahead and try to do this now without thinking about His wonders and Glory.  Ha!

(My most favorite Red Argyle glasses and my Handpainted Red Poppy Java Cup)

If you listen closely you just might hear Him tell you to go to the dollar store and buy some reading glasses...LOTS O' THEM!  (Those cute, funky, vintage patterned kind.)
One pair for the vanity
One pair for the living room
One pair for the kitchen
One pair for the night stand
and one pair for the kitchen table for reading the newspaper.

That last one was a joke.  We vintage moms don't REALLY read the newspaper too often anymore.  We google MSN like most others, read the comments left by the general public, and then wonder "What on God's green earth is happening to this world?"

Signing off with a smile.
Jane Valentine

I'm linking to Rednesday over at:
Cherry World 1


  1. Oh my gosh! You've told the story of my own life.

    Truthfully...I have TEN pairs of those glasses. I wear contacts but I need 1.25 readers on top of them for close-up work. I have to have them all over the house because I can't find a pair when I need them. :)

    YOU MADE ME SMILE! I'm your newest follower!


    1. Rebecca, I have just as many and yet still can not seem to find a pair when I need them! Thank you for stopping by. Your comment and following mean so much to me!

  2. Oh how I wish I had heard this ten years ago! I wonder if it's too late to reverse my saggy jowls? Can't hurt to give it a try! Thanks for the advice, and I really enjoyed this post!
    Happy REDnesday,

    1. Dear Carol, It is NEVER too late until we are face to face with the man above! I love the little flowers next to your name. How sweet they are. Thank you for stopping by!

  3. I can so relate!! LOL!!!

    great advice!

  4. Replies
    1. How hysterical! Why did I not think of that play on words? I would love to see some of your writings!