Thursday, December 5, 2013

Lost that lovin' feeling.....

The air became bitter cold, snow fell and covered the ground, the Christmas music has begun to pipe through the stores and the wish lists are forming in hearts according to the latest advertisements.  As I do each year, as if pre-programmed to do so, I began to pull out the bins filled with my seasonal decorations and ornaments.  I didn't get very far.  Garland and wreaths covered my living room floor and a small anxious sinking feeling filled my chest.  That desire to completely transform the main floor of the house into glittery, seasonal, eye candy seemed to choke me this year.   Then I did something that surprised even myself.  I packed the stuff back into the large bags and shoved it all into the corner of the room for another day.  That was days ago and still, I have no desire to string the garland up the stairwell nor to hang the vintage kissing ball above the hallway entrance. 

Just prior to Halloween, my pinterest board began filling up with exciting Christmas inspiration.  I pinned projects that I wanted to take on this season like a mad hoarding woman.  I wasn't alone either.  My friends and followers were doing the same thing.  We were all one big spastic group of Christmas pinning Mommas and we were having a wonderful time!  One day I visited my boards to find that the holiday pins were beginning to churn my tummy.  Like a kid in a candy store with free reign, I found myself saying "no more."  I had completely over indulged.

It occurred to me, I have already spent my holiday spirit.  The allotted emotional Christmas spirit budget has already been depleted.  I had my holiday and didn't even include my family! 

Now what?

They are expecting something of a Christmas here regardless of my over indulgence. 

I took a trip over to my pinterest board and deleted every single board associated with holiday decorating.   They are gone.  In doing so, I lost quite a few followers and I look like a newbie pinner but there was something liberating in all of it.  I am starting over.  I am re-deciding what this season means to me and how to represent it to my family.  When did it become about being a cool pinterest pinning momma?  This alone has robbed me of my Christmas spirit and kept me from the very person I wish to be for my family. 

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